Some Favorite Songs

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Life is a Highway



Here Comes Goodbye



waiting all my life



the Broken Road



Lisztomania



Knights Of Cydonia



Uprising



Undisclosed Desires



Supermassive Blackhole



Hysteria





Natural Blue

Chasing Cars



An Honest Mistake



Lasso



Kids



Hallelujah



Hey, Soul Sister



Little Wonders



XX-Crystalized





Gossip

Gold Guns Girls





Help I'm Alive

Run




Stylo



Clint Eastwood



World I Know





The Call



Too Fake



I miss you

Dumped! What Happened?

How could something so promising for you become so passe for your partner?


Here are 6 scenarios that can provide some insight into what happened.

Finding out that your relationship has ended from your partner can seem like one of the most convoluted mysteries of life. How could something so promising for you become so passe for your partner? No matter how the news was delivered, the process of healing from an unrequited breakup nearly always passes through the "I just need to know what he (or she) is thinking and feeling," and yet, any amount of in-person conversations, phone calls, e-mails or text messages ever provides the closure desired—the sting of finality is a burn only time and self-discovery can heal.

Here is a breakdown of six types of relationship fallouts that may provide some insight in to what happens when relationships go wrong, much to the dismay of the partner who still wants to work things out.

The 180

You had no clue. Everything was going so well (or so you thought!). Even the past weekend was spent in romantic bliss, and for the first time you felt as thought things were really going to work out. Then come Monday, you get the phone call that starts with a reluctant tone and somewhat hesitant, "Hey, got a few minutes?" that only ends with a welling of emotion and a box of Kleenex.

Most likely cause: Your partner likes you and enjoys your company, but got cold feet when the relationship started to feel committed and more serious. Usually this point is breached within three to six months from the start of the relationship. The notion of long-term relationship may be the furthest from this type of partner’s mind, and so when faced with the prospect of commitment, he or she must bow out of the relationship.

Take comfort in... the fact that your partner told you sooner rather than later. It may seem like it came out of the blue, and it may have, but your partner was never ready for the kind of commitment you would like, and once he or she realized it, they let you go. While it hurts now, in the long run you will move on to relationships that are more in line with what you are looking for—on all levels. In order to be ultimately rewarding for both parties, interest in and dedication to the relationship must be relatively equal. Having stronger feelings toward someone than he or she can reciprocate is a recipe for heartbreak, no matter whether your relationship has been going on for three weeks or three months. The one thing your partner has not realized yet is that by spending his or her life with a series of Mr. or Ms. Right Nows, knowing full well they aren’t Mr. or Ms. Rights is a recipe for chronic dissatisfaction not only for your partner, but also for each person he or she becomes involved with.

The Slow Burn

This relationship should have ended a long time ago, but has persisted into a slow and agonizing confirmation of one’s worst suspicions that the relationship is just not working out. In these situations, both partners have their own individual degrees of unhappiness, but the more dissatisfied person stays because it feels "easier" and "less messy" than having the courage to confront the truth and move on. There may have been recurrent communication problems that have never been resolved or are avoided if they do arise, and other potential mates outside the relationship are beginning to look like attractive alternatives.

Despite the relationship’s seriously degenerated quality, it never quite ends fully, leaving at least one partner in a hurtful no-man’s land of ambiguity, and this person responds typically by trying harder to win affections or by becoming passive-aggressive, sometimes to the extreme. Jealousies of outside parties are common, and often the relationship will dissolve only because of developed interests in other potential mates outside of the primary relationship.

Most likely cause: Not the right combination of compatibility and chemistry. Chemistry is the physical attraction component, and compatibility is composed of the personality traits and attributes that in the right combination can persevere through a lifetime. While there may be enough of both of these elements to maintain a relationship for even several years, eventually the attraction wanes, and there is not enough of these core traits to survive life changes and challenges that arise as people move through life. The same goes for a relationship founded on compatibility but lacks physical chemistry. The relationship can be rewarding for a relatively long time because both partners get along together so well, but there will always feel like there is something missing in the chemistry department. Because there are lacks in the relationship, one or both partners may begin taking on outside interests in secret, even if beginning only in his or her mind as fantasies. As the relationship wears on, though, many times one partner will stray, causing the breakup. These are tricky situations because there has been so much time invested in the relationship; even though "hanging on" in a relationship is still a relationship, it is not a healthy one.

Take comfort in... the fact that you have experienced a tremendous learning experience by having shared your life with someone who has taught you a lot about love, life and yourself. As you heal from the relationship’s end, it is perfectly normal to miss your now ex-partner, but do know that the kind of love you’re looking for—the kind in which your partner feels the same about you as you do them—is out there. Dating someone new may be the last thing on your mind, and it may feel as though you’ll never find someone like your ex, but love will surprise you if you are open to it. First things first, though: You have to heal. Cry, get angry, get support, if needed, and get interested in developing the new you.

The Distant Echo

Just as the details of good event fade into generalized warm memories, so does the relationship that fades out into the distant echo of a solitary person left completely alone asking himself or herself why phone calls, e-mails and voicemails go unreturned. Is there an echo in here? Surely when the phone stops ringing and days of silence turn into weeks, the end of a relationship is on the horizon.

Most likely cause: There are numerous possible causes that come in to play with a distant-echo breakup. Sometimes the relationship is a casual one that never got serious enough to warrant the "relationship label." Other times the relationship may have started out intensely, but now has suddenly come to a crashing halt. (See also: Sizzle and Fizzle, below.)

Whichever the case may me, the relationship has already ended for the disinterested partner—they just haven’t told you yet. When it comes to love, communication skills are learned over time through the trials and tribulations of dating and relationships. However, some people are still climbing up the learning curve when it comes to expressing their honest feelings, especially when it is suspected that a partner will be disappointed and maybe even a little bit angry. When interest in pursuing the relationship further plummets, these guys and gals let time be their distance and silence their way of coping with the uncomfortable idea of delivering bad news.

When the phone stops ringing and the e-mails and voicemails go unreturned, there is, in fact, something going on. Someone blessed with more maturity would, of course, confront the situation head on, but the anti-confrontational sort can’t even handle his or her own "I’m a bad guy" feelings, let alone your hurt feelings, and so the silent front moves in.

Take comfort in... the fact that maturity is not overrated. You can choose to be angry, and that is okay, especially since in many cases the escape artist formerly known as your love interest probably came on pretty strong in the beginning of your involvement. After you’ve worked out your feelings, though, congratulate yourself for not dating someone with the breakup coping skills of someone in high school of early college years—you deserve more than that!

Sizzle and Fizzle

How could something that felt so right now suddenly feel so wrong, sometimes to the point of, "What was I thinking?" Not just for the urban chic, a la Sex and the City, the 3-month (or 3 week!) relationship that glides in to a breakup is a common occurrence, especially in younger age groups, and frequently, these types of experiences can be painful because one person’s feelings are stronger and clearly wants it to work.

Most likely cause: Simply put, chemistry without compatibility, combined with too fast, too soon, is usually the culprit. When physical attraction trumps common sense, and all things physical progress too quickly, the frequent fallout is an ending almost as quickly as the union began, much to the chagrin of one partner.

Take comfort in... the lesson learned that getting too close too quickly without getting to see all sides of your partner. While it is painful, the anger you may be feeling toward your now ex is mostly a projection of self-anger, and it’s okay. You got swept up in a series of moments that took your breath away, and because of their intensity, you wanted it to be the "real thing" (i.e., lasting love). Or maybe on some level, you knew that it had no chance for longevity, but you went for it anyway because it was new and exciting. The next time this happens you’ll recognize that even with the pull of strong chemistry, it pays to take things more slowly.

Demotion to "Friends with Privileges"

You’re a modern woman or man capable of being number 2 or 3 in line, right? And that’s exactly what this type of partner impresses upon you when they move on to find the person perfect for them (hint: You’re not it). Variations include "Come one, we’re both mature adults," and "I really enjoy your company, so I see no reason to stop seeing one another because I’m not ready to settle down," and "I don’t understand why you’re upset. I’ve been completely honest with you from the beginning." What these statements really mean is "We’ve broken up, but now I don’t have to be guilty about your feelings, plus I get the best of the relationship that I valued."

Most likely cause: A selfish partner who has decided that you’re not the "One," but doesn’t mind stringing you along for the enjoyable benefits (for he or she, not you) that come with a half-relationship because they never have to give them up. Plus, they never have to fully break your heart, just appease you with the occasional gift or something sweet uttered to keep you in his or her good graces.

Take comfort in... the fact that after a while of being toyed with by this individual that you’ll realize that being a modern man or woman does not mean sacrificing self-respect or what one is looking for in a relationship. If you are seeking a monogamous, committed relationship, and after a reasonable amount of time dating one another your partner still expresses that he or she would like to see or is seeing multiple people, then it’s time to call it what it is: A breakup that ended long ago, or even before it started. You may really like how you feel when you’re with that person, but the truth is you only have a part-time "relationship," and you and your partner have different goals. In fact, test this: ask your part-time partner if you both have a "relationship." The answer will be "No," or an excuse that sounds like a veiled version of "No" and includes the words, "Well, technically -" So you may have to tough-love yourself; or in other words, know (and truly believe) that it’s over. Nothing you do or say will "win" back this person as you would like them to be in your life.

Walk Down Memory Lane

You stopped dating months or maybe even years ago, but every now and then the phone will ring, a great conversation will be experienced, and part of the magic you once shared will reunite. The phone is hung up and you find yourself wondering if it could still work out and maybe even fantasizing that it could. Then over the course of the next few days, you contact that person and get the cold shoulder. What gives?

Most likely caused by: A lonely moment of solitude for your ex who finds himself or herself dialing up old memories on the phone one evening. Here’s a reality check: Nine times out of ten, he or she is still not available to you. What you’re experiencing is nostalgia and the qualities that attracted you to him or her in the first place. Should you still persist and venture down that path, don’t be surprised if the enjoyment of nostalgia is soon overtaken by more realistic remembrances of exactly why he or she repels you, and why it never worked out the first time.

Take comfort in... the happy nostalgic memories, and being able to periodically enjoy the very best qualities of that person over the phone without having to commit to getting your heart broken or yourself frustrated by your shared incompatibilities all over again. But unless you’re willing to experience a sequel to the original breakup, although this time happening much more quickly, it may be worth it to keep the past in the past and allow yourself to enjoy your old relationship only as a walk down memory lane. There are exceptions, of course, but there are reasons why someone is an ex -

The First Time I Heard This Song I Laughed

Hearing this song for the first time I lauging and singing, it brought so much joy and happiness into my life, because it represented something I cherished more than anything in the whole world, something I had been seeking my whole life.

Enjoy the Moment

The sun is shining, I can feel the warmth of it's rays touch my skin, The rain pouring, and it's refreshing drink is giving life to all the rain touches, leaving a rainbow in its path, the wind is howling, whistling a tune, clearing the way, and showing me the clear blue sky. In order to enjoy the moment you actually have to appreciate it. To appreciate the moment you have to quiet down and silently go within yourself. Nature cannot be beautiful unless you appreciate it. Beauty in any form requires appreciation in order to be beautiful, and appreciation is a quality found within you. Take moment each time your heart troubles you and just stop and listen and look around. Cherish the moment. Abandon your woes and worries, replace them with joy and wonder, allow your mind to relax and take in the wonder of the moment. Don't forget the most important person in the world is the one your with at any given time, if your by yourself, it's you. Enjoying the moment is absorbing. Enjoyment is accomplished by relaxing into the moment. You can't fast forward nature. You can't stop or freeze frame moments you enjoy. While in nature you're included, you became part of it all. This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it. Only when you reflect back on such times as you allow yourself this freedom do you realize that you are peaceful and happy, This happens because enjoying something means you don't need it. You already have it. You get it without grasping for it. If you can develop ways to enjoy every moment of your life, you would not only master your emotions, but also be the master of your fate. Go with the moment, don't force it, "whatever happens," you have no control over it, if you grasp to hard, it will be harder to let go, if you caress it, it will last longer. Life may be short, but moments can last of lifetime in their moment. Many of us are too rushed to enjoy life, too confused to be simple, too rich to have enough, too worried to be healthy, too ungrateful to be happy, too afraid to love, and too controlling to be free. Nothing is a mistake, just a lesson, which sometimes takes repeating over an over again, once you get it right, enjoy the moment and ............

Laugh out Loud!

A good sense of humor is no laughing matter

WHEN YOU SEE A STAND-UP comic or watch a funny movie, it seems so natural and spontaneous, and if you're like me, you occasionally have the thought, "I wish I could see the humor in situations like the comedian does." A good sense of humor is a trait we all admire, and for good reason: It's good for your health, your relationships, good for relieving stress, it feels good, and it even enhances your ability to solve problems.

Imagine someone gives you a box of tacks, a candle, and some matches and tells you to stick the candle to a cork board in such a way that the candle doesn't drip wax onto the floor below. Can you do it? That might just depend on whether or not you've just seen the humor in something. That's what psychologist Alice M. Isen and her colleagues found in an experiment. Before they were given the problem to solve, students were shown either a comedy film of bloopers or a film on math (which was not funny at all). After watching the math film, 20% of the students successfully solved the problem. But 75% of the students who watched the comedy film were able to do it. (The solution, by the way, is to pour the tacks out of the box and tack the box to the board, and then putting the candle on the box.)
Isen said, "Research suggests that positive memories are more extensive and are more interconnected than are negative ones so being happy may cue you into a larger and richer cognitive context, and that could significantly affect your creativity."

A good sense of humor is no laughing matter. It makes a difference. Laughing and being in a good mood can help you solve problems, can make you more ingenious, can make you more effective in the world.

laughing can kill pain
Rosemary Cogan, PhD, at Texas Tech University, knew that when people were trained to relax, they became more able to handle pain and discomfort while they relaxed. She decided to find out if laughter could do that too. She and her colleagues took volunteers and split them into four groups. One group listened to a tape of the comedian Lily Tomlin for twenty minutes, another group listened to a twenty-minute relaxation tape, another group listened to a lecture on ethics, and the fourth group didn't listen to anything.

Then the researchers measured the volunteers' threshold of pain by putting them on a medieval rack and sticking nails into their arms. No, just kidding. They measured their pain threshold by putting a blood pressure cuff around their arm and continuing to inflate it until it was uncomfortable, and then they simply measured the amount of pressure on the dial at that point.

Two groups had higher pain thresholds: Those listening to Lily Tomlin, and those who heard the relaxation tape. Humor actually makes you measurably tougher. It makes something painful less painful. That's handy.

According to a survey of recent business school graduates by Wayne Decker, PhD, a professor of management at Maryland's Salisbury State University, women executives are considered more competent if they have a sense of humor. This coincides with previous studies showing male managers also get higher capability ratings from their underlings. Employees rate managers with a sense of humor as 1) more effective at getting things done, and 2) more concerned about the employees' well-being. This is yet another way that laughter and humor increase your effectiveness in life.

stress, humor, and honest Abe
Humor is an excellent and healthy way to deal with stress. When Abraham Lincoln was in office during the Civil War, you can hardly imagine a more stressful place to be for a deeply-feeling moral man than the White House. Luckily, Lincoln had a first-rate sense of humor. He had spent his whole life developing it. When he was an attorney, Lincoln told a clerk a funny story, and the clerk laughed out loud in court. The judge called "order in the court" and said to Lincoln, "This must be stopped. Mr. Lincoln, you are constantly disturbing this court with your stories."
Then the judge told the clerk, "You may fine yourself $5.00." The clerk apologized but said the story was worth the five bucks. A few minutes later, the judge called the clerk over and asked, "What was that story Lincoln told you?" When the clerk told him the story, the judge couldn't help it — he laughed out loud too. Then he told the clerk, "Remit your fine."
Once someone asked Lincoln how many soldiers the Confederates had in the field, Lincoln replied, "Twelve hundred thousand." The astonished questioner gasped. How can that be? Lincoln said, "No doubt of it — twelve hundred thousand. You see, all our generals, every time they get whipped, they tell me that the enemy outnumbered them at least three to one, and I must believe them. We have four hundred thousand men in the field, and three times four equals twelve. Twelve hundred thousand men, no doubt about it." He could see the humor in just about anything. That takes practice.

While some people didn't appreciate his sense of humor and thought it was out of place for the President of the United States during those grave and dreadful times of war, Lincoln liked his sense of humor, and had an intuitive sense of its value to his sanity and health. In 1862, during a special session of his closest advisors, Lincoln read aloud from an article by the humorist Artemus Ward, and had a good laugh, but when he looked around, not one of them was even smiling. They obviously disapproved of his frivolity.

"Why don't you laugh?" he said, "With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die, and you need this medicine as much as I do."
There was a story going around that Lincoln really liked. It seems two Quaker women were comparing the president of the Confederate states with Lincoln. "I think Jefferson will succeed," said one, "because he is a praying man." "But so is Abraham a praying man," retorted the other.
"Yes," said the first, "but the Lord will think Abraham is joking."

One of my favorite quips Lincoln made was his opinion of a book: "People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like."

zen and the art of cracking up
In some forms of Zen training, the student is given a koan. A koan is a question or a story that is puzzling in some way. For example, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" The discipline is to stay with the koan until you "get" it. Sometimes this takes months, even years. When the students are monks and live in a monastery, they stay with the koan while they eat, sleep, cook, clean, and also they spend time in intense periods several times a day doing nothing but hanging out with that koan (zazen, or sitting meditation). The student stays with the koan intensely, wrestling with it, fighting with it, trying to look at it from different angles, trying to "figure it out," allowing it to be there, and so on. Intensely. They say that it is like swallowing the moon, and it gets stuck half way down. The frustration can stay at a high pitch for a long time.
And then something happens. The student gets it. Often this is a full-blown "awakening" and the student is never the same again.

I have a koan for you. When you have a problem that is upsetting you or bringing you down, ask yourself, "How can I see this as funny?" Hang out with the question until you "get it." If there's something that is obviously not funny in your life, something troubling or upsetting, ask this question and keep asking it, and go through the frustration of not coming up with anything until finally you can, in fact, see something funny about it. Not only will your feelings about that particular thing lighten up, but your general ability to see the humor in your life will improve as well.

A good sense of humor is a trait we all admire, but very few cultivate. Here's the big trade secret of the famous comedians: It takes practice. It takes thought.
Jack Benny said his father wanted him to become a great violinist, but Jack always practiced the easy parts. His dad always told him, "To be a success in anything, you must practice the hard parts."

"Music was hard work for me," wrote Jack, "even though I hadn't really been applying Father's advice." Jack Benny was playing the violin for vaudeville acts. Then he did a little vaudeville show by himself, playing the violin and throwing in a joke or two, which got some laughs. "Now, I reasoned, if I could entertain an audience by just breezing out on the stage, a comedian. Ah, but I soon discovered that telling jokes was not a breeze after all. Sometimes you could throw a punch line away, other times you had to ride it hard. A pause could set up a joke — or bury it. Timing was the key. In short, there were skills to be mastered in comedy, just as there had been in music. And there were many hard parts to be mastered in comedy, just as there had been in music."

It looks so natural and spontaneous when comedians stand up there and make us laugh because they practiced making it look spontaneous and natural. Now admittedly, many comedians are good at making off-the-cuff comments that are funny (and those comments are significantly more funny when we know they are extemporaneous), but even that is a skill that took practice, usually from the time they were kids.
Sometimes a child will decide to be funny, to be good at making people laugh, and since kids don't usually have much to do with their time, and they spend a lot of time hanging out with their friends, they have lots of time to practice, and some of those kids grow up to be the comedians we know and love, and they are extremely good at it. You may never be that good at it. But that's okay. There's no need to be perfect, or even the best. A little more humor is worthwhile. And you don't have to stop your life or go to humor school or in any way use up time to learn to see the humor in things.

just start doing it
"When you're talking to people," I say, "if it's appropriate, try to say something funny."
"But," you might protest, "what if it doesn't work?"

"No big deal. Even well-honed professional comedians bomb with jokes."
"But that'll be embarrassing. People will think I'm a fool."

"It doesn't really matter to your listeners if it doesn't matter to you. Of course if your face turns red and you start crying, it will bother them that your comment wasn't funny. But if you mentally shrug your shoulders and go on, so will they."

"Okay," you might say, "I'll keep making attempts at saying something funny."

"And thinking something funny. You have a lot of material to work with, and you don't even have to open your mouth."

"What do you mean?"

"You have opportunities every day to train yourself to look at the side of life that amuses and makes you laugh, or at least produces a little smile."

"When I'm feeling blue?"

"Whenever. You can do it when you're feeling fine or when something has just miffed you. Either way, it's good practice. Anytime your mind is idle, you can practice."

"How, exactly?"

"Ask yourself, How could I see this as funny? Keep trying on different perspectives."

"Different perspectives?"

"Yes. Try on the perspective of your favorite comedian. What do you think they might do with your situation? How would they describe it to an audience in a way that gets a laugh? Imagine a comedy team making a skit out of your situation. What could they do with it? What would they make fun of? What would they exaggerate. Try a perspective of you in the future."
"You mean, looking back on this and laughing?"

"Exactly. Look from the perspective of you as a ninety year-old, telling your pals about it in a way that's funny. What could you say about it, or how could you say it that makes them laugh?"
Ask again and again: How could I see this as funny? A lot of time, while you're pondering this question, it's not funny. Or fun. That's okay. As anyone knows who has learned to play the piano, you have to play scales. Over and over again. It's tedious and boring. Not fun. But when you can finally play something well — especially a song you like — it is very much fun indeed. But you can't get there without the non-fun part.

Same with humor. So keep plugging away at it. Ask the question and keep asking it, and over time you'll get better and better at seeing what's funny about things.
Here's a tip: The actual expression on your face might make it easier or harder to see what's funny. This idea comes from an experiment by Fritz Strack, a psychologist at Mannheim University in Germany. He took a bunch of people and told them he was going to test their physical skills. Then he showed them a series of cartoons and told them to rate the cartoons' funniness. But he told them to hold a pen in their mouth while they did it. Half of them were told to hold it between their lips; the other half, between their teeth.

The ones with the pen between their teeth rated the cartoons as funnier.
Apparently, when they held the pen between their lips, they couldn't smile, but when it was between their teeth, they were forced to smile the whole time, and that physical change in their facial expression changed how funny something was. Interesting. And it might have some usefulness to you in your quest to see things as funny.

If you keep asking this question, you will find other ways to improve your success rate. You'll become more flexible about your perspective; it'll be easier to change perspectives, because that's one of the ways to find humor. There are certain pathways and subskills about humor you'll learn along the way, so you'll be skilled at seeing humor — not only in any specific instance you've practiced with, but in general. The skill will be there, and can be used on any situation that life may throw your way.

And what will happen? You will be more effective in the world, you will be more creative at solving problems, it will improve your relationships with people, and you'll be happier.